There’s a reason all of us in this world simply do what we do. We choose occupations for reasons within our consciousness, subconciousness, and even our unconsciousness. “Why did I become a photographer?” This question is asked of me only as much as “You have another job too right?” Typically I will come up with some generic answer to the former question because the real answer is long and unusual. So for the betterment of the photography community, I decided to share the real answer and creep the hell out of people I’ll assume.
The above image is the first photograph I remember viewing in my life. It was on the television at a time I don’t remember on a date I don’t remember but what I do remember is the unfiltered, raw emotion of fear that consumed me for days. I remember panic and anxiety as it was difficult to sleep. I recall moments walking around in the dark, mentions of the devil in church, and what may have been under my bed being this fucking figure.
Fast forward years later in High School and I ran across this image again. This time I had the ability to research and understand what it was. This is when I learned it represented Hate, animosity, a fear of what’s different, and pure evil in a time that was supposed to be pure good. This image also stirred in me my own personal beliefs. I still believe that was the Devil and if there’s a Devil, there is a God. It made me realize the dangerous road of revenge and my policy to never condone any act that comes from an emotional basis on revenge. This image also reminds me that it is our responsibility to overpower the hate in the world with love. Muslim, Islamic, Christian, Blue, Black, Orange, Straight, Gay, Smelly Kid Down the block…all should be shown the same love. The Munich photograph made me think a lot through the years.
It was recent that I once again ran into this image when I found an older cover of Time Magazine from 2005. I found it while clearing out our new building downtown (previously a magazine distribution center). Immediately I felt the same emotions as when I was young and once again in High School; I spent the entire day clearing out this place with the feelings of paranoia and even once again had trouble sleeping that night. As a side note, the photograph of the cover was taken by the brilliant Michael Grecco. I’m offline right now as his website’s name eludes me but you can look him up from my facebook friend’s list.
Now this story doesn’t begin with me saying “As a ( five) year old I realized that I wanted to become a photographer because this picture scared the piss out of me and I thought as that (five) year old ‘Damn, that’s some powerful stuff.’” Quite the opposite really.
My first experience with a camera was around my 7th birthday. I remember asking for a camera and being the prophetess my mother was, she just gave me an old camera she had lying around. I went outside to create magic but instead stood outside and did nothing. There was nothing of interest for me and I easily got bored. I most likely went back inside as well and drew something.
Growing up with two extremely artistic parents was a blessing for me. My father still amazes me with his unusual but brilliant thinking patterns. My Mother spent a lot of time driving me everywhere for art classes in every medium except photography. In fact it wasn’t even until my Junior year of college that I would take my next photograph from that day when I was 7. Instead I drew, painted, and wrote music as my artistic therapies. Although I did stop painting for a few years when I was loading my car in Tulsa and my uncle saw a few of my paintings, looked at them and said “hmmm…your mother is definitely a better painter”. I said “screw it”, destroyed them, and moved on.
It was by accident that I even picked up the camera. One of my college jobs was helping my dad at his store. I got a phone call from a boy my age that needed a transmission for his car. He had no money but he did have a camera and lens he could trade; essentially I hung up on him. He then bothered me with a couple more phone calls and ultimately I gave in and told him to bring the equipment in and I’ll get it appraised. Upon getting the appraisal, I learned that the equipment was worth about four times more than the transmission. Naturally I agreed (now in hindsight I also realize it must have been “hot”).
The way I saw it, there were two things I could have done with this equipment: 1. I could sell it and have a few awesome nights at the campus bars (and maybe a few textbooks) or 2. Give it to my girlfriend who had enjoyed photography in the past and in doing this, most likely have my way for a while with her (This girlfriend also happened to be Janelle). Before deciding on option 1 or 2 it was important to see precisely what the big deal was with this stuff. I took it to a Chicago Blackhawks game that night and messed around. I was instantly hooked. As time moved on, I was amazed with how much there was to learn about a “machine” and the process.
Somewhere along the way I also finally realized how powerful photography truly is because of the Munich photograph. If this photograph could evoke so much emotion out of me, albeit fear, surely photography could evoke other emotions such as love, joy, wonder, curiosity, and the ten thousand other emotions in our psyche. This then became my passion, to ultimately create images that would be as powerful emotionally as Munich is to me. While I’m still trying to achieve this, I made a few pacts with myself along the way:
1. I decided not to be mundane. 95% of photographers try to be the same and do the same things. I know this won’t get the Suzi Smiths of the worlds Kids but I’m not photographing bunnies, ducks, foam numbers, or pillars (ok, in weak moments I will). There’s enough people doing that and I assume there always will. There’s a million ways to photograph love and my goal is to find the most original.
2. I decided not to look at other photographer’s work. Nothing is more annoying than hearing people say “I saw this in a book and did it too”. Isn’t that copying? They might as well be a Kinkos copy center. I do love looking at the photographers I consider to be the best in the world though. Images that Jerry Ghionis, Yervant, Michael Grecco, and select others inspire me not to shoot like them but to shoot in the best way that I can shoot with my style. Seeing their creativity and originality inspire me to be more original of an artist.
3. Recently I decided not to use Photoshop actions any longer. I spent hundreds of hours developing mine and trashed all but a few. Even though it takes longer, I like starting image enhancements from scratch. These actions are also dangerous as everyone seems to be buying them now without understanding what they are doing. “Press play and pray” is what I’m now calling it (actually I just came up with that and love it, I am so using that forever now). The current example is this vintage color look that is driving me crazy. In three years it will be as dated as when certain films gave that emulsion look in the 70’s. Exception: Holga cameras with expired 120 color film, and then it remains brilliant.
4. This may sound childish but I’ve also made a pact to create some of the most striking images the world has ever seen. I have a long way to go but I have the passion to try to match and exceed the emotion that condemned image gave me but naturally with better emotions. I’m not sure how long Janelle will have to hear me complain about all my photographs but I’m assuming for her sake, I will soon stop.
5. Be an active member of the teaching community towards other photographers. I’m already teaching photography for college students at St. Joseph College and community classes but I find it increasingly important now more than ever to help educate other photographers and along the way, learn from them.
These five pacts have also created more change.
Some of you have also been wondering why I’ve suddenly started using “Ryan Musch Photographic”. Since the development and creation of Embers, we’ve had to pay attention to how a name represents its title. What’s in a name? Plenty, especially when one is the kind of person who analyzes and breaks down scenarios until mentally exhausted. But this isn’t about name dropping here; but then again, it kind of is.
fh photographic was created in 2006 when I needed (if nothing else) an official name. It was a representation of my spirituality and a purpose of community with artists and photographers. I wanted to teach, learn, and share common goals with other photographers. As it so happens, no one else did. In hindsight though I also think a part of me was hiding behind a persona. And I don’t need a persona to remind me who I am…So, I am making the slow transition from the fh name to simply Ryan Musch Photographic. I’m thinking this will also make things a bit less confusing.
I’m going to finish by sharing a couple of my favorite images that I have taken. They may not be the best photographs in technical components but the emotion of what they represent is very important. Though I grew up thinking I was going to change the world; I will not dismiss the idea that I can with my passion and diligence through photography. Bono of U2 once said “Music may not be able to change the world, but it can change the world in you.” I’ll extend photography’s hand and the role of the arts in this equation. A collection of individual changes turn into an interest of change and then a group of change; therefore I would never dismiss the act of one instance of mind changing emotion.
While photography may have been my emotion altering medium, it doesn’t need to be for everyone. The important thing is to simply find what grabs you and go with it (unless of course it spurs negative emotion; then I’d say let go and grab something else). It’s the world in you that you show to the outside world. Find the passion that shows it.
r
Love: James and his daughter. James passed away not too long after this shot. His wife still gets tears in her eyes when she thinks about this photo.
Resilience: My friend Jimmy, an accomplished boxer who when as a child had half his foot cut off in a freak accident. Says some days the pain is still strong in it. Boxers do a lot of foot work.
Joy: I would kill to have as happy a moment as that kid is feeling here…
Spirit: I just love the flow and the essence this shows of being a dancer.
Contentment: I will always love this photograph. When I look at it, I am reminded to slow my life down a bit.
Mystery: What’s on the other side of this bridge? Spoiler – Nothing…
